Another leaf has fallen from the tree

Another leaf has fallen from the tree. 😦 We will miss another member of our extended family. It is never easy losing someone who you hold so dear. My Ate Cindy was diagnosed with stage 4 Breast Cancer 18 months ago, she was a fighter and she fought cancer well. It’s sad talking about her in the past tense, however, I know she’s better off in heaven – No more pain, no more suffering.

I will miss you ate. I will miss how you would call me “Mianess”. I will visit you later.

A shout out to my longest relationship, ever

A three-decade long relationship (and still counting) is definitely my longest relationship ever. I have always wondered if I can maintain relationship let alone be in one.

All these years I’ve wondered if someone will choose me and see me for who I am. Apparently, someone has been choosing me everyday since 1986, and someone sees me for who I am good AND bad. Still, she chooses me.

My boss told me once, you’ll know that you found the one, when you’re in deep sh*t and the first person you think about and call will drop everything their doing just to help you. Well, if you know me well, I have been in car accidents many times and there is always that one person who I call and would always take me out of the deep sh*t i am in.

Sometimes I forget to say thank you for the little things because I am too busy living my life, forgetting that a simple validation is the best gift ever.  However, I just want you to know that my world revolves around you and it pains me seeing you hurt. I may not express much but my love for you goes beyond life, time and space.

Thank you for always choosing us, for always being there for us and for just loving us regardless of our shortcomings. You are the light that have always guided us whenever life gets tough. We grew up to be warriors because we were inspired by you.

A loud shoutout to my longest relationship, ever. A special shoutout to my mother! The woman who inspires me to be strong. The woman who inspires me to love and love passionately. I am half of you and I am dang proud of it.

Happy Mothers day, Mommy! I love you! Forever and ever and ever!

Now, I am scared.

I hate being vulnerable. I believe that being strong means not showing much emotion and not disclosing any feeling that you have. I feel safe just being quiet and just sharing limited information about me. It’s easier and safer. I think.

I rarely share my inner thoughts and feelings and when I do, then you’re in for  a treat. A funny kind of treat, actually. There are times wherein I can’t contain the intensity of what I feel, that there is an immense need to share to someone. However, there is that constant fear of being discovered, being caught. Also, there is the fear that the secret might come out.

On the other hand, I also believe that the worst kind of agony is knowing. Knowing how strong your feelings are about something or someone ❤ and don’t know what to do with it. I am struggling.

The struggle and agony is real.