What to do, what to do.

I just completed a six week Comms training class and I must say it was such a challenging feat. During the course of six weeks, I have learned a lot about life, love, courage, hate, and resiliency. When I found out the demographics of my class it felt like a challenge to me. I knew that it won’t be easy and my fee-linial side will have to go on overdrive so I can catch up. Part of our sessions are free speech activities. I love doing free speech because I get to listen to different stories of my trainees. My class would always joke that my free speech activities remind them of their recollection/retreat sessions.

During these free speech sessions, one trainee shared that she was not sure of what she wants to do with her life. It resonated to me and I came to a realization that I have the same dilemma. At my very young age of 32, it seems that I am not so sure of what I want to do. I am not really sure who I want to become and I feel like I am still going with the flow of life. For a moment, I felt like panicking then I calmed myself down – I still have a class to complete. lol! It was good to actually say it out loud to validate that we are not alone in feeling lost.

I realized it’s normal to feel lost sometimes. I believe that life has a lot of surprises to offer and feeling like I know everything loses the magic of living. I strongly believe, that I am at the right moment and at the right time. Growing up, I feel like life is about ticking every single box (in order) in a long list of To-dos. To feel that life is unpredictable eases the tension of always completing something. Also, the more that I felt that life can be lived one step at a time made me enjoy things more. The pressure was released and I start to look forward to what lies ahead.

Life ain’t easy but it makes you love every breath and every move that you make. It’s okay to feel lost, it’s okay to feel defeated and it’s okay to feel confused. All that matters is you learn from every single thing that happens to you. Live and love your life – its the only one you’ve got.

Learn to be grateful

There are a lot of things I want to learn in life, one of which is to be constantly grateful. Being grateful in a world that pushes us to yearn for more is challenging. I believe it has to be a constant balance between when to push for more and when to actually settle. Settling without feeling that you’ve short-changed yourself. My brain is wired to be either slow or fast. I never have an in-between. It is a trait that is evident in all I do, from love to going to work. (lol) I am starting to feel that I need to be more cautious of how I view things.┬áIt is not easy but I am certain that minor attitude changes will bring great impact in life. It is easy to get mad and to feel bad, however it takes more effort to look for the positive side of things. The fruit though of looking at things positively outweighs the easiness of being hateful. I easily get irritated and react when things are not going the way I wanted to, or when an idiot bus driver is trying get my lane (that deserves a different post). I think this time I will be feeling differently about things and just be more thankful and grateful. I know it won’t be easy, but it will all be worth it.

I challenge you to do the same. Learn to see the beauty of everything that happens around you good or bad. It won’t be easy, but it will be darn worth it. I can’t wait!

The struggle is real… so real.

I have always wondered when the right guy will come and when is the right time. I have always thought it was something that will never happen to me given how society defines beauty. I am not the definition of beautiful, if you look at all the pictures on social media and in magazines – I would offend them. Okay, i am exaggerating but you get the picture. All throughout my younger years, I have always been labeled as the friend. I was always one with the boys but never the girlfriend. I remember a classmate mention that if I wasn’t chubby, I can be a good prospect. It kinda hurt because I knew that my size will always be an issue for most people. [I am munching on left over pizza and yakisoba as I write this entry. pfft] A part of me has always been used to my single-blessedness; however, there are moments wherein I just want to say fck this sh*t. lols

Articles tell you that that your time will come. Focus on yourself and you’ll have your moment. Learn to love yourself first before love finds you. There must be steps to follow or some logic that I am not getting (lol) May be i am lost in some step that leads to self discovery. Just like everyone else I am trying to figure out this whole relationship thing. Being 32 and single doesn’t hell ya’ll. haha

I hope and pray that my time will come. I have always hoped that there is someone out there for me. He will come when we’re both ready. All in God’s time, in His perfect time.