The struggle is real… so real.

I have always wondered when the right guy will come and when is the right time. I have always thought it was something that will never happen to me given how society defines beauty. I am not the definition of beautiful, if you look at all the pictures on social media and in magazines – I would offend them. Okay, i am exaggerating but you get the picture. All throughout my younger years, I have always been labeled as the friend. I was always one with the boys but never the girlfriend. I remember a classmate mention that if I wasn’t chubby, I can be a good prospect. It kinda hurt because I knew that my size will always be an issue for most people. [I am munching on left over pizza and yakisoba as I write this entry. pfft] A part of me has always been used to my single-blessedness; however, there are moments wherein I just want to say fck this sh*t. lols

Articles tell you that that your time will come. Focus on yourself and you’ll have your moment. Learn to love yourself first before love finds you. There must be steps to follow or some logic that I am not getting (lol) May be i am lost in some step that leads to self discovery. Just like everyone else I am trying to figure out this whole relationship thing. Being 32 and single doesn’t hell ya’ll. haha

I hope and pray that my time will come. I have always hoped that there is someone out there for me. He will come when we’re both ready. All in God’s time, in His perfect time.

2018 is done

2018 has tested my patience about life. It was quite a journey and I was definitely taken for a long ride. There were a lot of changes and it took a while for all of it to sink in. Gratitude has been the constant driving force in my life right now. Appreciating all that I have in life reminds me that I have everything. It is easy to lose focus on what matters because we always want more; however, learning to be grateful will definitely take us a long way. 2019 is fast approaching and no one knows what lies ahead. I am constantly reminded of the people who matter and I think that’s all i need. ๐Ÿ™‚

We’re about to ring in the new year, I wish you and your family a good year ahead! ๐Ÿ™‚

I am feeling, 32!

I have recently turned 32. If you ask me, being 32 is nothing special because it only feels like an extension of being 31. The past few days have been quite a rollercoaster for me. I have not felt something like this before and I am scared as hell on where this leads. However, I have never been this happy and vulnerable at the same time. I have made a few discoveries about myself. There are still a lot of things I need to learn and experience before I can fully understand life.

One early Saturday morning I chanced upon an episode of Boy Abunda’s The Bottomline and he was talking to three motivational speakers and I must say, it is true that everything happens for a reason. They were talking about success, life, love, and purpose. The guests were Vince Golangco, Ada Cuaresma and MR Speaks. While I was watching the episode, it was like the Philharmonic Orchestra was playing. Every single point they shared hit me and it actually got me a bit teary-eyed. It was amazing hearing their words of wisdom and it was like hitting me one by one. It was a moment of realization. It was an Aha! moment.

I started asking myself, what is my purpose. Being at this point in my life, have I found what I really wanted to do. Am I still aimlessly threading the waters of life? Honestly, I think it is something that I should really sort out for myself. As what Boy Abunda said, listen to the co-host within. There is a silent voice within that is trying to find its way out. I am excited, nervous, and anxious of what lies ahead. I am not sure if I am ready to face it all; however, I know that having faith that I can make it through will definitely lead me to success.

Then there was a question about success. How do we measure success? Should we see success as relative? Watching The Bottomline episode made me realize that success should depend on how you define what makes you successful. I started reflecting on my life and how I see success, if I had my life run on all that is monetary – I will never see the beauty of the connections I have made. I didn’t even realize how much I have grown and done until I reflected on how I started. It was good to look back and it was also good to see how much people have touched my life and vice versa. I think that for me is my definition of success. More than money and all the recognitions I got, seeing the quality of relationships I have made – it was all worth it.

I believe that I have just seen the tip of the iceberg. There is still a lot more to see, feel, hear, and do. How I get there, I don’t know. I’ll cross the freakin’ bridge when I get there.

Feels like nineteen-sixty-eight

For years I have been reading articles about love. I have even gone through sites like wiki-how and Pinterest to find the meaning of Love, how to know if you’re in love or how to know if a guy likes you. I have always tried to decipher love based on my little to no knowledge of what love is all about. Little did I know that the best resources for anything and everything love has been in my life for the past 30 years.

My Dad Alex and Mom Sergia
The photo behind them was their wedding photo back in September 14, 1968

ย Today we celebrated the 50th wedding anniversary of my parents. For the first time we’ve actually celebrated something common between them – their marriage. We’ve celebrated my parents’ individual milestones but never something that they share. It blew my mind when I saw pictures of my parents back in 1968. They have changed a lot! Physical changes were evident, however, more than anything the love they have has definitely evolved. Seeing them now made me realize the love is definitely hard work. It was evident in their actions, their responses, the look they give each other and just how they deal with each other’s weirdness. Celebrating their 50th year of togetherness taught me that I have the best love sources in the planet, 50 years together? They must have done something good! I think whatever they are doing works and works well.

Seeing my parents together is a constant reminder that love is a choice. Every day we choose the person we love over all the chaos and even if you hate each other, you still choose the person you’re with. My parents have their moments, lots of ups and downs and yet here we are 50 years strong. My parents’ marriage has shown me that there will be dark days, I have seen them quarrel like there is no tomorrow. There were instances wherein they won’t talk for days. Whenever they have those episodes, I become their one and only messenger.

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Our family has grown and I owe it to my parents for raising us well. I know it was never easy but when they chose to be together in 1968, they went all the way! They’ve taught me that love can be expressed in many ways. They’ve taught me that love multiplies and it is freely given. They may hate each other at times, but whenever someone does not feel well or is going through tough times they look for each other and hold on to each other’s strength. I value their relationship so much because it makes me believe that forever does exist.

The past few years have been challenging given my parents are not getting any younger, however; they have such a strong partnership that they’re not letting go. They are my own source of strength, I face each day’s challenge because I know I have them with me. I owe my parents everything that I have. I live a full and blessed life because of their desire to give us a bright future. They are indeed partners for life.

It all started with two people who fell in love, uncertain of the future but chose to be together. Now, here they are stronger than ever. They are both living their best life. ย I look forward to more adventures, fun moments and togetherness. We still have a long way to go – long life to live. Again, I owe my life to you both. I am extremely proud to be your daughter. I thank the Lord for blessing you both with good health (given our] ages) and super blessed and comfortable life. Cheers to another 50 years!

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A new chapter begins

I love June! This month definitely started with a BANG! I started the month with the greatest news regarding my career, I got promoted! After almost seven years of being in ACN, I finally got what I’ve wished for so long. My friends have been teasing me these past few weeks about being promoted and I always say its not gonna happen, not anytime soon. So, finally getting the confirmation resulted to the UGLY CRY. I cried! I was surprised by my reaction.

I am about to face a new chapter in my life. I am nervous and I am not sure what the future holds. However, I have been in this kind of situation before. I remember just being unsure of what my future will be like and now I am here. I can do this. I know I can! I just have to continue trusting the timing of my life. The Lord will definitely surprise me again. lol

I am excited to see what’s going to happen next. Who knows, I might announce something good about my love life soon. I can’t wait!

I rarely write about Him, but today I will.

I always say that we all go through phases. We should all embrace the phase we are in and learn from it. The people we meet, the emotions we go through are all meant to be part of a phase. A phase that we should all learn to embrace and outgrow. I am currently going through a phase of uncertainty. Something that I am uncomfortable experiencing because I hate being uncertain about things. I can be indecisive at times, but I know I just have to make a choice, I know I am going somewhere. I am just not sure which one though. The past year has been a year of changes. I am wired to follow a certain structure. I grew up always knowing what is next for me. However, my life now is the total opposite. I am going through life-like I am blind-folded or something.

These past months have been challenging. I am doubting my decision to “just keep swimming”. However, someone has convinced me that there is more to life than being uncertain. I rarely post about You, but today I will. I am not comfortable professing my faith not because I don’t believe in God. I just have the highest out most regard for Him that I don’t want to just talk about Him too much. I believe that my relationship with the Father is something that is just between me and Him. Today, was day of realization for me. It wasn’t just the recognition (which was a good surprise) it was more of how He made me realize that there is more to life than being uncertain, that there is something constant in this world. He always comes at the right time and at the right moment. It’s not even about me anymore, it was more of how He showed that life completely beats in a certain rhythm. In moments that there is chaos, calm will arise. In uncertainty, there should be faith.

A stronger sense of faith was restored today. I always knew that I have Him by my side, He has always delivered and always more. My ongoing phase was shaken by the strength of His power and His timing. My uncertainty/restlessness/anxiety phase is slowly “melted” by the strength of His love. I am not saying that I am feeling perfectly fine, I still have my moments however, I go back to the feeling of letting all the worries go. Now, the quote, “Let Go, Let God” has a whole new meaning for me.

Speak your truth

I was inspired by a conversation I had with a dear friend regarding owning up to your truth. It’s not hard to speak our truth; however, it takes a lot of balls to own up to your truth. To speak your truth and be ready with the consequences is not easy. I have yet to earn that courage, the courage to face the aftermath.

I hope that one day, I’ll be able to just spit it out and let it all come out. When it happens, IF it happens, I hope I have finally grown the balls to face it – head on.