The past few days have been very challenging. There were a lot of unknowns and I am beginning to feel that I am headed nowhere. For someone who is easily bothered my uncertainty, I knew I was setting myself to craziness. At the same time, I just agree even if I know that a part of me is confused or a part of me doesn’t want to do what they want me to do. I am to blame sometimes why I am stuck on situations that I don’t want to be in. I guess, I really don’t know when to say “no.”
Growing up, I thought that I need to be the perfect daughter. I told myself I have to be different from my sister (not that she’s a bad daughter). I just need to give my parents a different experience. Here I am, 32 years later – still their daughter but far from perfect. I think my fear of disagreeing and not saying “no” has definitely bitten me in the ass, again.
I am tired. My personal life is complicated (for me it is). My work life is uncertain. I am just tired. I am fucking tired. There it is! I am tired.
I had a breakdown last Friday at a weird chair at the 6th floor of Uptown 2. I was talking to a friend when every single thing that is bothering me were overflowing. I knew I needed to let it out. I needed to feel the moment, I had to acknowledge that I am dealing with some pain.
I need to face this. I need to learn how to finally stop the cycle. I need to choose me this time. I can’t continue living a life that is dependent on other people’s dictatorship (exagge!) It won’t be easy. I know it won’t.
All the moments we have shared, I don’t regret. He came as a surprise, I did not even pay much attention when he was introduced to me – the feeling is mutual (if you ask him). I was distracted by work and by a certain someone (lol!) It took a good two years before we started hanging out.
I miss him every day. Does he spark joy? Always in all ways. He may annoy me at times, but he is the best annoying person I know. Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same way about me. Yes, he doesn’t know how I feel. If you ask me, I am scared. I am scared of the answer if I ask him how he feels about me. I am scared. Scared as hell.
What happens next? I don’t really now. I want to do something about what I feel but I am too scared to do it. In time, all in His perfect time. (aaah!) Let’s see how it goes. Let’s see what happens in the next few weeks or months. nyahaha
Every single time I hear Run To You by Whitney Houston, I get the chills. One, because she’s got one of the best (if not the best) voice in the world (ever!) Two, I kind of relate to the song. It is true when they say that when we are sad, we hear the lyrics. I sure can hear (and relate) to the song loud and clear.
There will always be that person who you want to run to but he/she is not available physically or emotionally. I believe that we all have that one person that we yearn to be with, hug or hold on to when times get rough. We all want someone who we can share our successes and failures with. Life has its way of torturing us at times. We may have the greatest work only to come home to an empty apartment. We all just have to learn to live the best of what we’ve got and appreciate what God has blessed us with.
Time will come wherein every single thing we’ve been through will make sense. A time when all the stars will align and he/she will finally come. I hope when that time arrives, you/I will be ready.
I have always believed that me being single is a result of a very long hit list. A list of characteristics I want in a person – the list to check to know who is the One. I believe I have always thought that there is a perfect man out there. As I mature, my list started to change. I think it became a whole lot realistic. I became a lot more aware of what matters.
When I met you, my hit list was close to being gone. However, it was you who also reminded me that are still some characteristics that I should look for a person. There are still some non-negotiable things that are part of the list. It is not wrong to keep a list, just keep it real. It doesn’t have it to a mile long though.
I remember vividly how much fun we have everytime we hangout. We were always laughing and there were moments when silence was not a source of worry. For the first time in a long time, I was actually comfortable with silence. I don’t want to be dramatic, heck! I don’t like this feeling. I wonder if I every meant something to you, or if i still mean something to you.
I am happy as long as you are happy.
I miss you.
every f*cking day.
Step out of the history that is holding you back. Step into the new story you are willing to create. – Oprah Winfrey
I was raised in a family [heck! more of a society] that is highly patriarchal. I have seen female members of the family who succumb to the rules of society. They followed what was deemed as the norm and never looked the opposite direction. Unfortunately, it was the setup that most women accepted.
Fast forward to now, gone are the days of damsels in distress, I strongly believe that the damsels are now holding their own swords. Growing up my mother has shown me that I have a choice, that I can actually be the captain of my ship. I can do whatever I want as long as it goes along my moral compass. I was definitely prepared to be the woman of today. I was ready and I was headed to that direction.
The time has come wherein a woman can be the CEO of her own company. Now, a woman can be single at 30 (or older) and still live comfortably without being judged for not having their own family. Now, a woman can stand for what she believes in and fight for her rights. Now, a woman can be a mother AND a father when the man of the house leaves. Now, a woman can be an inspiration to young girls. Now, a woman can be all she wants and more. Now, a woman holds her power in her own hands.
My ultimate dream is for all women to realize the power they have. For all women to realize that their future is not dictated by society not even their own families. No one should stop them to be at their best.
Sa araw araw na pagbagtas ko sa kahabaan ng EDSA, may isa akong napansin kung gaano tayo kawalang galang sa isa’t isa. Mula sa mga bus na walang harabas na nagbababa at nagsasakay ng pasahero at sa mga sasakyan na palipat-lipat ng kalsada na hindi gumagamit ng signal light. Hindi natin kayang sundin ang mga simpleng patakaran sa pagmamaneho tulad ng mga ilaw ng stoplight. Sabi nga nila red means stop, green means go and yellow means go faster – yan ang slogan ng Pinoy. Nakakalungkot isipin na ang ating asal sa kalsada ay nagpapakita ng ating kawalang disiplina. Ilang beses pa kailangan manghuli ng HPG, MMDA, etc. para sundin natin ang mga batas trapiko. Bilang isang drayber din, maraming beses ko ng naranasan na muntik mabangga o makabangga ng ibang sasakyan. Naranasan ko na din maging pasaway sa kalsda, isang bagay na hindi ko ipinagmamalaki kaya naman naniniwala ako na kung ating babaguhin at ating asal pagdating sa pagmamaneho mas magiging matiwasay ang ating paglalakbay.
Isang panawagan sa mga drayber ng bus, sana naman po maging mas maingat tayo sa pagmamaneho. Hindi po kami (ibang sasakyan) mga matchbox or target na isa isa nyo dapat pabagsakin o banggain. Minsan napapailing na lamang ako pag nakikita ko ang mga bus na nasa inner lane na ng EDSA as opposed to being in the bus lane. Minsan tuloy hindi ko masisi ang ibang mga drayber kung gusto nilang paalisin ang mga pampublikong bus sa EDSA. Sana po huwag na natin hintayin na may mamatay pa para lang magbago ang ating pananaw sa pagmamaneho.
*** A late post *** Today is my daddy’s 77th birthday and I am elated to celebrate it with my entire family. My dad has always been a constant source of strength in our family. I believe that his desire to provide us with all we need and want, was his driving force in everything he has done, doing and will be doing. I am grateful for the life he created and dreamt for us.
There were good and bad times; however, I strongly believe that the love our family has for each other helped us make it through. My dad may not be the perfect father but he is perfect and made for me. The love he has for our family surpasses the mistakes he has done. I believe that our future relationships are determined by the home we grew up in. Also, our view of men are also set by our fathers. My dad sure set the standards high.
I am a fan of my dad’s strong faith in God. He has very strong values and he values his relationship with the Lord. He is a man who is always ready to fight adversities with prayer and strong faith. He has always been a good example to us of a faithful follower. I strongly believe that all our good fortunes and blessings are because of his wonderful relationship with God.
Happy Birthday, Dad! I love you always in all ways. We love our daddy very much! 🙂 God bless you, dad!
Have faith in love. We all make choices and sometimes we realize that “shit, i just made the biggest mistake.” However, I strongly believe that every thing happens for a reason and that all things happen because they are meant to happen. We missed the bus, because we are supposed to miss it. We have to learn to live without regrets or what-ifs because it brings in guilt. The feeling of guilt stops us from living the best life ever.
Love has definitely taught us good and bad things. Love has also brought out the worst and best in people. And I think, love has taught us to live and taught us to retreat all at the same time. The Jollibee commercial has shown us that we all have to make choices. To let go of the past to live the best present and future that we can ever dream of. It is never easy to let go; however, it is the only thing that separates us from a life of true happiness. They always say that by ending something prepares us for an awesome beginning. We have to learn to be brave, brave enough to face the consequences and risks that come with making a choice. I pray every day that I make the right choice not just in love but in life. I also pray that once I make the choice, I am ready to face all that comes with it.
I pray that you make a choice that you’ll not be afraid to make. Have faith in love. Have faith in you.