People often times ask for permission for various reasons. There are times wherein we ask our parents if we can be excused during dinner. If we wanted to go out with friends, we ask permission from our parents or someone older. Sometimes we also ask permission to leave a situation wherein we feel uncomfortable, even if it’s not the right action but we feel like were compelled to do so.

Permissions, why are they even important I guess we feel like we are morally required to ask for it or sometimes our values taught us to ask for permission. It seems like we always ask permission from someone else but have we ever tried asking permission from ourselves. I think it’s hard to ask permission from ourselves because we become accountable to our actions.

A couple of months back, I had a meaningful conversation with a colleague and she told me, “Mia, I hope one day you will give yourself permission to want what you want.” Boom! My head exploded and i realized I was picking up pieces of my brain on the floor. Haha It hit me hard. Think about it, have you allowed yourself to do what you want? What you really really want? It may be the a piece of cake, your weekend plans or your next career move. My wish for myself is that I give myself permission to really want what I WANT.

So, permission? Easy to say but difficult to execute. I will put two and two together someday. How I am not so sure, but I know it will come to me. Just like the other challenges I experienced before and the other uncertainties that I have managed to overcome.

How bout you? Have you given yourself permission to want what you want? Tell me.

10 mons.

10 months have passed since I last posted something here, a lot has changed. Oh, boy! a lot has definitely changed. My job description has changed, people I care about left, a few people I knew lost families members, and the world will never be the same. But! one thing is still happening, f*cking Covid!

It’s 3:52 AM in what is supposed to be my Vacation leave, watching Grey’s Anatomy in Netflix. We just celebrated my Mom’s 88th birthday and I am not sure why I am not sleeping yet. A part of me is thinking of what is happening at work and what my trainers are going through. I am thinking about WORK! Am I married to my work? My work life has changed, I have a team now. I am responsible for two sites with 9 trainers and 3 SME interns. My work world has turned upside down. Work life has definitely changed.

People i care for the most left for greener pastures. Life has a funny way of “removing” people in our lives. I miss him dearly however, I strongly believe that he is happy where life took him. We will see each other in time or maybe not. I am slowly letting go of the ‘what ifs’. I will be okay, I will feel like myself again.

Covid on the other hand, decided to stay longer than expected. As of this writing, we are on our 3rd ECQ. We are facing a deadly variant (Delta) and apparently, there is a new variant transmitted LOCALLY (Lambda). To be fair, my parents and sister are fully vaccinated (J&J and SinoVac). I on the other hand, will have my 2nd dose (Moderna) by the end of the month. I hope and pray that this pandemic ends soon. It has never been easy for anyone. I pray that we all get out of this pandemic unscathed. We all look forward to going back to being normal, going out, being with family and friends without face masks AND face shields.

One day.
Hopefully not after another 10 months.

Day 202: The Pause we all needed

The pandemic has definitely taught me new things. It has tested my patience and resilience among others. I have a feeling there are still a lot more to learn. One more thing I have learned and came to accept is the Pause. The Pause in our daily activities due to quarantine rules. The Pause in seeing friends and relatives because we needed to stop the spread of the virus. The Pause to travel and explore places we’ve never seen. On the other hand, The Pause taught us to be more present when we are with our families. The Pause has shown us that we are living a life that relies on socmed way to much. The Pause allowed us to see our hidden talents and interests. The Pause also gave us a moment to reflect on the things we’ve done and the what ifs that come with it.

The Pause gave me a moment to reflect over some things, people and moments that I miss. Since I know myself well (as if), my go-to habit when I am sad is to look for quotes in Pinterest that suites my current mood (see here). Moving on (insert rolling eye emoji), I have come across some quotes that hit the mark. One of which is, someone’s effort equates to their interest to you. I know, I know its not the exact quote, but its between those lines. It dawned to me, I remember You! Yes, you! Maybe you will never be able to read this post but I just want you to know, that The Pause made me appreciate and loathe you at the same time. Is that even possible? I guess, because that is how I am feeling at times. Ok, ok! I am beginning to blabber again but I know you’re getting me (maybe). LOL

Sometimes I wonder, Am I that ugly to not attract a mate. Years passed and my encounter of the Pause I am beginning to learn more about me. I have a feeling I need this Pause to help me see things in a different perspective. Lord, when will it be my turn? Will he ever see me differently or will I always be the good friend? I am going off topic and I think this section deserves its one post. One of these days, i will give you a peep in my so-called love life. BWAHAHAHA

Trust your version of The Pause, you’ll need it.

Day 160: How are you holding up?

August is almost over and we’re still in the middle of this pandemic. How are you holding up? Personally, I am holding on to the promise that things will get better and that everything will be all right. I am holding on to the belief that God has plans and has full control of the situation. Also, holding on to WHO’s protocols (are you washing your hands?) 

The quarantine has been testing the patience of everyone. One thing that I think this quarantine has also triggered is everybody’s obsession with social media. Let me step back, i think it is social media that tested the patience of everyone. There are a lot of posts in soc med positive AND negative which really triggered a lot good and bad behaviour. We are all given the privilege to post our sentiments, thoughts, ideas in social media, now it is our responsibility to face the consequences of the ideas we post. I think that is what is lacking with some people, the sense of accountability. Accountability to face the reaction of everyone regardless if its positive and negative. As for the audience, the accountability to own up to negative comments that they lash out. To learn to still be respectful even if they don’t agree to what they see. We all have the freedom to express ourselves, however, it doesn’t say we have the freedom to say hurtful things to one another.

If there things that this quarantine is teaching us it to sit still and be patient. To learn to follow intructions and to do what is best for our families. We are here for the long haul, but how can you do that when you are paying more attention to things, people, situations that don’t matter. To give attention to petty arguments, negative conversations and trolls.

How are you holding up?

Day 131: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and drink it!

Wow, 131 days! I can’t believe it, it has been 131 days since I last step foot in the office. 131 days since I last saw some of my team mates. 131 days since life was still normal. What is normal, anyway? CoVid-19 has definitely turned out lives upside down. I don’t even remember how it feels like to go outside without wearing a mask. I don’t even remember the last time I saw my friends.

If there is something this pandemic told me is that God will always protect you, if you put your trust in him. Also, entrusting your life to His hands will keep you at ease. In times wherein life is uncertain, knowing that there is Someone higher and greater than you and I gives me a sense of relief. I strongly believe that if I do my part, the Lord will also do His. It will not be easy, but it will be damn worth it.

I am optimistic that this whole pandemic will end. As to when it would happen, your guess is as good as mine. We should all learn to deal with the lemons that life throws at us. When life gives you lemons, learn to make lemonade and drink it.

Day 49: Almost there but not quite

A huge roadblock came to the family just recently. My mom’s brother died unexpectedly in his home. He was living alone. The saddest part of it was that he had symptoms of Covid-19. We never had the opportunity to see him for the last time because he was cremated the same day. It was a huge reality check for us on how scary this pandemic is. It has now impacted our family and we’ve lost a family member to the disease. It is never easy losing a family member especially now that we’re in the middle of a pandemic. It’s sad that we will never know what happened to my Tito. As a family, we are all praying for his eternal repose.

Our way of living has changed. It has changed in ways we could not imagine possible. However, it should not change our view of life. Life is meant to be lived and we should make sure that we take care of ourselves and our families. We are all in this together.

Yes, i said We not Me. Don’t be selfish.

Day 44 of Quarantine

Life has gone topsy-turvy and I don’t even know what day it is or what month we are in. I just count the days from the last time I reported to the office. It’s been 44 days. Wow! 44 days. Our lives have definitely changed. We are all in a stand still and we don’t know when we will go back to normal or if we will ever be back to normal.

There are moments wherein I feel scared of the unknown. The news has brought nothing but dread,(honestly speaking) and socmed brought nothing but the worst in most people. There is too much going on both positive and negative that it has become overwhelming for all of us. I still believe in the good among people and I know that is also what we want. I guess, it’s a matter of being conscious and choosing goodness.

Let us all be reminded of the bigger purpose. Also, let us be reminded that God is always watching over us. I hope and pray that we all come out of this experience as better version of ourselves.

Wisdom at the time of Corona

2020 has only just begun and it almost feels like the year is almost over. The Philippines has gone through a lot over the past three months that it seems like we are ready to welcome 2021. From the Taal Volcano eruption to African Swine Flu (ASF) outbreak and now the Corona Virus Pandemic. It seems that the end of this phase is far from over and in times like these we need to hold on to our faith and in the belief that this too shall pass.

March started with the dawn of a possibility of a Metro Manila Lockdown. I was not sure how it will turn out but I was hopeful that it is not as bad as what the media is portraying it to be. The threat of COVID-19 hitting the country is slowly becoming possible and when the report of the first community acquired infection was reported, I knew that life will never be the same. An exaggeration for some, but if you live with two senior citizens (both high risk for infection) and you know its time to hit the high road.

Currently, I am on Day 13 of quarantine and I am bored AF. However, I believe that by staying home, not only do I keep myself away from the virus but also my parents will have higher chances of not getting infected. Those are enough reasons for me to keep my bored butt at home. It ain’t easy but for the greater good we should learn to abide by the rules.

In the midst of the Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ), there are a lot of things to be thankful for. First, people are reminded of God’s strength. Also, people are reminded that He will not let his people down. Bend your knees and pray to Him. Second, nature is healing. Based on ABS CBN news, there has been a 180% decrease in PM2.5 since the quarantine started (click link). Mother Nature needs a breather and it finally got the much needed break. Third, family time. In a fast-paced world like ours we often times forget to spent time with the people we value the most. Now, we are in our home sharing meals, spending time and just sharing stories as we wait for this pandemic to subside. Fourth, Bayanihan is seen everywhere. Many organizations and individuals have come together to help our frontliners and less fortunate filipinos. Fifth, ECQ taught us patience. Yesterday, I waited in line for 4 hours to get in the grocery store and waited for another 2.5 hours to check out. I must say we were all tired but not a single person was angry. We all waited patiently for our turn and followed the rules of the establishment. Sometimes its easy to be angry and frustrated with the situation but I am proud to say that we were all adults playing with our phones while waiting (lol). Lastly, the dedication of our frontliners. It is not easy to help people when you have a high percentage of getting infected. Our frontliners are not just the health care professionals, volunteers, police and military but also the cashiers, bagger boys, guards, back office employees, etc. who go to work every day to help our country to survive this pandemic. There are more things to be thankful for and I am sure this list can go on and on. We should do our share by staying indoors and washing our hands.

If you want to help our frontliners, please don’t hesitate to visit for the list of organizations who need your help in this time of great need. Also, there are other individuals who are also doing their share of fundraising events/efforts for our frontliners and less fortunate kababayans.

View this post on Instagram

tulungan tayo❤️

A post shared by Ryan Agoncillo (@ryan_agoncillo) on

Let’s all remain positive! Follow social distancing and please wash your hands. Stay at home people!

Am I good enough?

How many times have we ask ourselves this question? Also, how many times were we brave enough to say it out loud? I have my moments and often times I drown in the sadness of feeling inadequate. Inadequacy at times bring out the worst in people. The bad energy that we throw to the universe, unfortunately, finds its way back to us – ten fold! 

The past few weeks have been a challenge, personally and professionally. There were changes that were inevitable it kind of brought back the uncertainties. It is not easy being positive when you are surrounded by restlessness. There are moments wherein I have to step back and remind myself of the things that I should be thankful for. It is hard sometimes and I must say it be quite challenging. 

I am learning to be grateful always in all ways. I am still struggling with the negativity that sometimes, it is hard for me to see the positive side of things. I constantly remind myself of all the good that came my way. The constant effort will definitely help me in becoming more aware then next thing I know it becomes a way of life. 🙂

I strongly believe that when I start asking myself “Am I good enough?” I will smile and remind myself that “Yes, I am.”